Thinspo =)

http://youtu.be/VAtQsxE9o8Y

I guess this is my new plan.

I've gained over 20lbs since last summer. My binge cycle ended like a month ago but I haven't gotten back on the scale. No-one is used to seeing me this fat it sucks. So I told a guy I'd come on webcam with him on the 10th of June in a bikini. Its May 16th now. So I have less than a month to lose 20lbs or more. Ive done it before and I'll do it again.Its currently 1:50pm and Ive worked out just a little bit today. Consumed no calories, and I don't plan on having any today.

Plan for the rest of may : Fast as much as I can, keep my Facebook deactivated. And on the 1st of June post pics in a bikini on Facebook.

I don't know how I'm gonna do it but I will. You'll notice something about me while reading my blog if anyone does. I contradict myself alot. Between hating myself and being okay with myself. Between thinking im obese, or plain fat. Between wanting recovery and going on crazy diets and my strange rituals. Thing is I dont know what I want. I act like the most outgoing, confident person alive. When really I hate myself. I hate that I break people's hearts. I hate that people think I'm pretty when all I see are imperfections. I wish the world would view me the way I view myself. Then they would understand why I do what I do,